Beware of the dogs

If their tails are wagging ... RUN!

I will never forget my phone going off just before 6 AM one Saturday. It was 15 February 2020, to be precise, around a month before Covid-19 shut the world down. I’d just had a late night - or should I say early morning - outlining my second thriller, ‘The Phisherman.’

I know. For most people, that does not sound anything like an exhilarating Friday night. And up until late 2018, I would have heartily agreed.

However, at that time, I was about 12 months without cancer (yay!) or my partner for the previous 16 years (not so yay) and 6 months off chemo that still prevents me from any work role that has stress or requires me to wear shoes. I’m confident that, if you had walked that path, you would probably think it was a great Friday night too.

And because of that ‘all-nighter’, 6 AM was far too early for me to be disturbed.

Most people who know me well would disagree with that. They believe I am already very disturbed, irrespective of the time of day.
Fyi, that's also why I posted this just before 6 AM!

So, it was through barely open eyes that I looked at the phone playing my custom Linkin’ Park ringtone, something guaranteed to wake anyone, no matter what their condition.

The contact details on my Android screen revealed it was one of the owners from the housesit I was starting at 6 PM that night (my fifth housesit overall).

Wondering what would motivate the lady of that manor by the sea to call me at such an unspeakable time, I hit the ‘Answer’ button.

I almost dropped the phone when I was greeted loudly by three words exploding with deep concern: “Where are you?”

I mumbled something that could not have been anything close to a satisfactory reply.

The owner responded even more vehemently, “Well, we’re about to leave. I messaged you that we’re leaving at 6 AM. And I made it clear that, if you’re not here when we leave, then when you do decide to turn up, Norman and Django will eat you alive - literally. I told you that German Shorthaired Pointers are hunting dogs. And these two GSPs like to hunt. I hope you can run.”

Say gidday to Django

I promised, “I’ll get there as soon as I can. However, I’m almost an hour’s drive away. I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can be there before you leave in 5 minutes.”

Understandably, she was ‘Not happy, Jan,’ and said something like, “You’re supposed to feed them breakfast, not be their breakfast.”

I wasn’t happy either, though my problem was not with being woken up at that time. I was disappointed that I’d got it so wrong & let her down. Not the best way to start a sit before it’s even begun.

Fyi, in December, 2023, the Yellow Pages 'Not Happy, Jan' TV ad was voted Australia’s greatest-ever advert. For more info, see HERE

It was only when I read her message that I realised what had happened. She’d written that they were leaving at 6. However, there was no AM or PM.

My previous housesit - caring for a gentle Great Dane called Tayto whom I had to protect from an escaped German Shepherd on one walk - had started at 6 PM. And that was because the owners’ overseas flight departed at 9 PM.

I had assumed this sit with Norman & Django was the same - a night departure.

I was wrong.

And now, I would have to face two hungry GSPs, who had only met me briefly a few weeks earlier, on my lonesome. My only weapons for dealing with Norman & Django would be my De Longhi coffee machine, my Surface laptop, and a teal suitcase that was small enough to take on plane flights as ‘carry-on.’

And this is Norman

Thankfully, the owner messaged me back not long after that.

One of her neighbours, whom the dogs knew well, would be there to re-introduce me to the two extremely fit, black-furred, four-legged, fun-loving, man-eating pooches.

When I eventually arrived there @ 10:30 AM, neighbour Michelle graciously introduced me to Norman & Django, who still sniffed me with suspicion as the drool fell from their lips … just kidding!

I knew I would be more than okay when Michelle opened the door and Norman was standing there with a giant teddy bear stuffed in his mouth.

And this is Norman with his infamous teddy bear

Mind you, I was rapt to watch Norman & Django wolf down their dinner later that night, glad they had not filled up on petsitter beforehand.

Some important notes. 
I have used plenty of artistic license in how I've reported the phone conversation above. However, the truth is, I was warned: The two beautiful dogs with kind eyes and soppy expressions in the photos above will hurt you bad if they don't know who you are and you enter their house when their owners aren't home. Thankfully, I never discovered that the hard way.
Secondly, because of this housesit, I have become friends with Norman & Django's owners and was fortunate to visit those two unforgettable GSPs (and their owners who are also pretty okay as hoomans go) many times. Sadly, both Norman & Django passed away recently. Though they have left this earth for that amazing doggy park in the sky, they will never be forgotten.

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Norman & Django live on forever in several of my future thrillers. There, they hunt in a way I am glad I never experienced. Below is a short excerpt from my future book, 'The Critters.'

Fyi, Deutsch Kurzhaars is the Germanic name for German Shorthaired Pointers

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The petite woman waved to the two black Deutsch Kurzhaars watching her through unblinking jet-black eyes.

‘Good morning, Norman. Morning, Django. How are you today, boys?’

Both dogs wagged their stumpy tails with vigor and their mouths creased like they were attempting to smile. Most people would assume that the large hunting dogs were being friendly to the woman with whom they were familiar.

She knew otherwise.

Her gray-haired employer had sternly warned her when the dogs did the same as he introduced them on her first day as an employee.

‘Norman and Django are highly intelligent, impeccably trained, and extremely dangerous. Never assume that they are being affectionate merely because their tails are wagging. I can assure you that they are happy to see you. However, it is for entirely different reasons to what you are presuming.’

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To learn more about ‘The Critters’ and my other thrillers, check out my website.

Thanks for reading my Substack. However, as I am not a mind-reader, I need you to click the heart-shaped LIKE button to let me know you enjoyed this post and would like more posts like it. 
That also helps new readers discover me on Substack - the more likes my posts get, the more my stories will be "promoted" to other Substack readers. So, I hope you like this post enough to like it so I will like you, but not in the same way that Norman & Django would like you if you were over for dinner ... their dinner.